Written by Stephanie Johnson
Ephesians 4:31-32 (ESV)
Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.
Colossians 3:13 (NIV)
Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.
I like making plans.
Placing time on the calendar with the promise of an event in the future brings me excitement. Anticipation of an upcoming occasion that is purposefully set aside makes me expectant.
My excitement and hope soars to new levels when these plans are made with loved ones and friends. It is almost a guarantee of a great time.
So imagine my joy when I hear that my father wants to spend time with me. Now my parents have been divorced since I was a child and I only saw my father on special occasions. Hearing from my father as an adult I have a different expectation. He says he wants to spend time with me and that gives great joy.
But then he always cancels. He never keeps his plans. Something always comes up and he needs to pick a new date or reschedule.
After a year of this, there was no more hope in making plans with my father. No more joy in what was to come but never materialize. My disappointment turned to bitterness then resentment and then unforgiveness. Just like that.
What took a year to fester turned into years of unforgiveness toward my father.
While my relationship with my father suffered, my relationship with my Heavenly Father did as well. Why? Because whenever I spoke with God, He addressed the unforgiveness in my heart. He told me I should reach out and forgive my father.
I did not see it that way. I explained away my righteous indignation. I did not start it. I was right. My father was wrong. He should call me and apologize. I started to blame my father for tons of things he did and did not do because I was hurt. What he did hurt me. This hurt spilled into my speech when dealing with others and increased my impatience.
Also, the more God called me to forgive, the more I did not want to be around God anymore. He was not echoing my truth. I was ready to step away when God used a family member who did not believe in God shared how mean and ungodly my behavior had become.
Wow!
Embarrassed and humbled, I repented to God. I shared my hurt and disappointment with him. I expected Him to condone my behavior. But God is God and I am not. He sets the standard and gives me help to live a righteous life because I cannot do it alone.
While this life is difficult, God gives hope in His Word— 2 Corinthians 4:8-10:
“We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed,
but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken;
struck down, but not destroyed; always carrying in the body
the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be manifested
in our bodies.”
I will have more difficult and disappointing times in life. AND (not but) Jesus is me. I’m not alone to deal with hardship. Also, I can share my hurt with Him and He understands. He too dealt with hurt and disappointment but came so that I would know forgiveness of sins. How then can I hold unforgiveness toward someone else? How can I not forgive when I’ve been forgiven?
I asked God to help give me the words to speak to my father. To tell him how every time he made plans with me and cancelled them made me feel like an afterthought and like he did not indeed want to be around me. I told my father I forgave him. I did not make plans to hang out with him again but we talk more than we did before.
All the bitterness and resentment I was carrying was lifted. The heaviness from all the hurt was removed because I forgave.
A prolific songwriter wrote these beautiful lyrics:
“My Heavenly Father has always been there
For my earthly one was gone.
He’s taking care of me,
And I only want to be just like Him.”
Like Him. He forgives—so too must I.
Comments