Written by Cheila Lopez
People I counseled over the years have asked this question many times. They have said things like,
“But you don’t know what they did to me”;
"How can I forgive my husband who cheated?"
"How should I forgive someone who murdered my loved one”?
Some shared stories of physical and sexual abuse they experienced as children by family members or friends. I, too, have felt that some offenses seem too horrific to forgive. In my work, I have heard about many painful and life-altering experiences lived by “good” people. The crimes seemed unfair, and these people did not deserve what happened to them.
The Gospel tells a story about a man named Jesus who humbled himself by becoming a human and coming in the form of a servant. According to Peter 2:22, he committed no sin, and no deceit was found in His mouth. Jesus was falsely accused and treated as a common criminal without committing an actual crime. The plan for Jesus to redeem the lost was fulfilled, and He chose to surrender His body so that we might live. He took on all the sins of all the people before him and those of us in the future. Although he did nothing wrong, he paid the heavy price of carrying out our sins and was momentarily separated from His Father due to our iniquities.
Matthew 18:21-22 challenges us to forgive 70 X 7. Jesus told Peter that he should forgive his brother a limitless number of times. How is this possible? God wants us to forgive others, and if we harbor unforgiveness and hatred in our heart toward others, then it demonstrates we have not truly repented of our sins, and therefore God will not forgive us either.
Matthew 6:14-15 says that if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.
That seems so harsh, doesn’t it? Why would He expect us to forgive those who egregiously hurt us?
The answer, I believe, is found in Romans 5:8, which says, “While we were still sinners, Christ died for us."
By offering us forgiveness, Jesus paid the price we should have paid. God loved us in our mess and brokenness before we did anything good. Salvation is free, and it is through grace alone we are saved. While dying, Jesus asked that the people who had him killed be forgiven because they did not know what they did”.
This is the ultimate level of forgiveness, and Jesus modeled it for us, knowing we would need to remember it and follow in His footsteps. He was sinless, yet he forgave us who are sinful. Forgiveness is a complex and uncomfortable process. When you decide to forgive, God provides the grace and strength to maintain a heart of forgiveness.
Forgiveness is not a weakness. It is the most powerful thing you can do. Refusing to forgive allows Satan to continue to hurt you; forgiveness stops that destructive power of Satan.
Forgiveness is not probationary and does not depend on the other person’s actions. (“I will forgive you as long as you…”)
Prayer: Heavenly Father, Help me to remember that I needed forgiveness because of my sin. I, too, need to forgive others because you forgave me. You are Holy and Perfect, and on my own, without Jesus, I would just be a sinner that is destined for destruction. No one is beyond forgiveness, so please help my heart to soften. Amen.
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